


Don't make me play pretend

by sanameskini



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: (Very mild), Angst, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Internalised Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Mild Smut, Self-Acceptance, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 02:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11371143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanameskini/pseuds/sanameskini
Summary: “Please, can you do this for me? It’s just for a few weeks and then we can break up, Chris will have moved on and we can go back to our lives. Please, I’ll do anything.”Vilde didn’t need Eva to do anything for her. All that was needed was a please to fall from Eva’s lips and Vilde was screwed.“Fine.”****Eva askes Vilde to pretend to be her girlfriend to get Chris off her back. When Vilde agrees she doesn't expect her feelings to get mixed up in all of it.





	Don't make me play pretend

**Author's Note:**

> @skamlesbians on tumblr helped me with this this fic, and I and very thankful!! probably said thank you too many times.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this!

**Monday**  
09.45

Vilde couldn’t really figure out what it was she felt when she looked at Eva. They had kissed and now what? Is she supposed to not think about it? Is Eva thinking about it?

She shook her head, too many questions that did not need answering. Who cares that they kissed, right? Girls who are friends kiss. Girl-friends kiss. Nothing wrong. No need to get all weird about it.

“What are you thinking about?” Noora looked concerned.

“Nothing?” She felt like she had been caught. “Oh my god, do you have to be so controlling all the time?”

Noora held up her hands defensively “Geez, fine. Forget I asked.”

****  
**Tuesday**  
14.05

Vilde kept looking back at Eva who was sat in the back of the classroom. She was wearing a flannel today that looked really good on her.

Eva looked up as if she had felt someone's eyes at her. Her eyes landed on Vilde and she quirked an eyebrow.

Vilde tried to come up with something to say but in the end she just stuck her tongue out before turning to the whiteboard again.

****  
**Thursday**  
11.28

It was Thursday and all the girls were sitting outside on the school yard eating their lunch. Chris was laughing at something Sana said and Noora and Eva were talking about something too boring to join in on.

“Hello, I feel like you’re all ignoring me?” Vilde said.

Noora rolled her eyes, Sana just stared at her and Chris furrowed her eyebrows. Vilde looked at Eva who had a small smile on her lips.

“Can we, like, talk about going to a party this weekend? Why don’t we know anyone who can invite us to parties?”

All Vilde wanted this weekend was an excuse to try and kiss Eva again. And if she had to get drunk to do it so no one cared, she was gonna get drunk. She didn’t want to kiss her because she liked it, she just wanted to try again. She wanted to compare kisses, guy kisses and girl kisses. She was just doing an experiment.

“I’d really like to go to a party, want me to ask Chris if he knows any?”

Vilde pointed at Eva and winked.

“Yes, Eva what a great idea! How come Eva always has the best ideas?” Vilde wanted to slap herself. Why did she say that?

Chris put her hand up “I’m in.”

****  
19.14

Eva: have u heard the new ariana grande song? i know you like her

_Vilde: thx eva im gonna listen now! <3_

Eva: Chris knows a party on tomorrow, still wanna go?

_Vilde: Yeeess <3 lets tell the others too_

****  
**Friday**  
20.54

As soon as the five girls walked through the door to some Bakka guy’s party, Penetrator Chris made a beeline for Eva, kissing her way too passionately for Vilde’s taste. She wrinkled her nose, and then realised all this was her own fault for accepting Eva’s invitation. Now she was gonna have to look at those two making out against walls all evening. This party was supposed to be Vilde’s chance of getting some tongue action from Eva, not having to watch those two. God, that sounded weird, she didn’t wanna kiss Eva like Chris were doing, not like she was in love.

Sana slapped Vilde’s arm. “Can we keep going?” She said, walking around Vilde and further into the house. She silently thanked Sana for dragging her from the lovey-dovey couple.

For some reason Vilde just couldn’t get drunk. When she tried to down the drink in her hand she just started choking and had to spit it out. It didn’t even taste bad.

She stood in the kitchen and threw the plastic cup in the trash when someone tapped her on her shoulder.

When Vilde turned around a girl with brown hair pulled in to two space buns was smiling at her. Some locks had been pulled out and was framing her face. She had the biggest eyes ev - Vilde shook her head, why was she paying such attention to this girl’s looks?

“Not drinking tonight?” The girl nodded at the trash can. “Me neither.”

“Heh, no not really. Not feeling it tonight I guess.” Vilde really wanted someone to make this girl go away, she didn’t have the energy to hold a conversation right now.

The girl suddenly took a step forward threw out her hand. “Sorry! Never introduced myself. I’m Astrid.”

Vilde took her hand “Vilde.”

Astrid didn’t step back again. Vilde wasn’t feeling uncomfortable. She was somewhat weirded out by the fact that she wasn’t reacting like she would have imagine she would. She was pretty sure she was being hit on as well, because Astrid was not giving her much space. Would she have felt uncomfortable if it was a guy being this close? She couldn’t really remember how she generally felt when guys were hitting on her. Maybe that’s a bad sign? She won’t forget Astrid hitting on her, is that because she likes it or not? Vilde’s thoughts are all jumbled up and she can’t make sense of anything.

Astrid was now leaning against the kitchen countertop beside them both. She was about to say something but got interrupted by Eva quietly yelling Vilde’s name.

“Vilde! I need you!” Eva was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Vilde felt Astrid shift beside her.

She looked at Astrid, “Sorry, need to go,” Vilde started walking towards Eva “Nice talking to you though!”

Eva led Vilde to a bedroom that was empty and told her to close the door behind her. She sat down on the bed in the middle of the room. This must be the parents’ room or something, it looked way too clean and tidy. Vilde went and sat beside Eva, as close as she dared. If she had sat down any closer their thighs would have touched.

“So, I broke up with Chris” Eva blurted out. Joy soared through Vilde, Chris was a douche. She needed to act as if she felt sorry for Eva’s sake. Eva didn’t look sad though, maybe she was numb. Vilde didn’t know how you felt when breaking up with someone.

“Oh, how are you feeling?” she asked, fake concern in her voice.

Eva snorted “He’s such an asshole! He said-” she made air quotes “-I won’t let you go, I know you are still in love with me.”

Vilde made a sound in disgust “Prick!”

“I know right! So then, I said that I’ve fallen in love with someone else, and he asked who and I said you! beca-”

“You said what?”

“Wait, let me finish. I said you, because he’s seen us make out before and stuff.”

Vilde was just getting confused. “That doesn’t mean we’re in love though, does it?”

“No, of course not. We’ll have to pretend.”

“Pretend? Pretend what?”

“That we’re in love! In a relationship! Together!” Eva exclaimed. Why did she look so freaking excited?

“Eva, I haven’t even agreed to anything. And like, I love gays and stuff but I’m not a lesbian, so this won’t work. And I think Magnus likes me, so I wanted to maybe try with him.” Vilde squinted her eyes and wrinkled her nose, she felt like she needed to shield herself from something. She crossed her arms over her chest.

“Which is why-” Eva made a pause, probably for the dramatics “-we will pretend. You don’t have to be gay Vilde, and Magnus is more like obsessed with you, I think you should stay away from him.”

“I think he’s cute.” She didn’t really, she just wanted Eva to drop the whole thing.

“Please, can you do this for me? It’s just for a few weeks and then we can break up, Chris will have moved on and we can go back to our lives. Please, I’ll do anything.”

Vilde didn’t need Eva to do anything for her. All that was needed was a please to fall from Eva’s lips and Vilde was screwed.

“Fine.”

****  
**Sunday**  
15.31

Eva: wanna come over and watch a movie? Moms not home and im bored

_Vilde: sure, next bus is in 10_

****  
17.10

“I need to open the window it’s really hot in here.” Vilde went to the window she had climbed through to get to Eva’s room in the first place, and opened it. Laying beside Eva was making her sweat. In a nervous way.

Eva was still lying on the bed with the laptop on one of the pillows. She had paused the movie. Now she was looking at Vilde standing there by the window. Vilde gave her a look, what?

“Should we make up a plan or what?” Eva kind of flapped her arms around, annoyed, Vilde got worried for like a second that she was gonna slap herself. “You keep avoiding it. And you agreed to help me, so I don’t get it.”

“Ugh, I know I agreed but can’t we skip the whole idea?” Vilde really wasn’t that excited about faking this. At the same time, she wanted to have an excuse to kiss Eva again.

“Vilde! He’s never gonna let me go if I don’t prove I’m in love with someone else. I’ve explained this to you like a hundred times already.”

“Why can’t you choose a boy for this? You’re not even gay and Chris knows that, you’ve only ever been with guys. How can do you explain that you’re in love with a girl all of a sudden?” Vilde smirked, that was an argument Eva could never counter.

Eva opened and closed her mouth like a fish, trying to come up with something to say. Ha! 1-0 to Vilde.

“Vilde, I’m bi” that was not the answer she had expected. ”Haven’t I told you that? I feel like I have. I mean, everyone knows.”

Vilde zoned out for a second, trying to understand. “What’s bi again?”

Eva looked like she couldn’t believe what she heard. “Are you serious? This is the thing with you Vilde, you never want to learn stuff about the world. You just go through life without caring to know or learn about issues”.

“What does that have to with you being bi?” Vilde knew she could say the wrong things, everyone said so, not like she didn’t know.

“Bisexual means being attracted to both girls and boys.” Eva answered. “Next time there is something you don’t understand, be whatever, religion, sexuality, ethnicity. Google it. promise. Otherwise you will probably say something offensive.”

Vilde shrugged but agreed nonetheless.

“So, the plan” Eva closed the laptop and sat herself up. ”Come.” she beckoned Vilde to sit across from her on he bed.

Vilde walked over, crossed her legs and looked at Eva. They stared at each other until they both started to smile. This is nice actually, Vilde thought, maybe this wouldn’t be that weird or difficult.

“I was thinking that we can say that you liked me first-” Vilde shaked her head in protest “-Why not?”

“Makes no sense, if everyone already knows you like girls why would I start to like you? No one thinks I like girls so, I think we should say you turned me gay.”

“You can’t turn anyone gay, Vilde.”

“You can’t? But Isak is gay now, he liked girls before.”

“He can be bi too, or he just hadn’t figured it out yet.”

Isak hadn’t figured it out yet. He hooked up with girls because he hadn’t figured it out yet. Or maybe he had an experiment going on. Like Vilde. No? Not like Vilde. Vilde’s experiment had nothing to do with that.

“Whatever,” Eva said “We can say I broke up with Chris because I had developed feelings for you, and you had had a crush on me so we decided to try it out?” That hit a little bit too close to home for Vilde. What? No it didn’t.

“Yeah, and it was this Friday you realised when you saw me getting hit on by another girl” Vilde contributed.

Eva widened her eyes “You were?”

Vilde also widened her eyes “Was I? I don’t know? I just… It fits into the story!”

“Sure, we can go with that. We don’t need to practise kissing or anything, we’ve already done that. I think we’re done!” Eva clapped her hands together. “Want to keep watching the movie?”

Vilde wouldn’t mind practising some kissing.

“Okay.”

****  
**Monday**  
09.03

They decided to walk into school hand in hand. What they had not thought of, was whether or not they should fake it for the girls too.

So when Noora stopped in front of them, questioning both of them with her stare, they didn’t really know what to do.

“Hey, tried texting you two the whole weekend, what were you up to?” Noora said.

Eva looked at Vilde. Should we tell her the truth? Vilde tried to communicate with her eyes. Then she looked around, where was Christoffer Schistad? If someone overheard them telling Noora everything right now, it could ruin it.

Eva must have read Vilde’s mind. “Just at my place, watching movies. Mom was on a business trip.”

Noora ought be quite confused, she and Eva used to do that, watch movies and chill.

“Heard you broke up with Chris,” she continued. “Heard another rumour too.” She was looking at Eva only. Was she too, trying to communicate with Eva through her eyes. Eva’s brain must be at hard work.

Eva smiled big, showing off her teeth. “I know, I’m so happy!” She lifted her hand holding Vilde’s, to show Noora. Vilde suddenly became scared. She wasn’t an actor, how was she gonna convince anyone that they were together?

“What about Chris?” Noora asked.

From Vilde’s point of view, that was just rude. She was standing right there. What about Chris? What about her? She was way more important.

“He’s a prick, that’s what is about Chris,” Vilde couldn’t stop her words from falling out.

Noora turned around to Vilde. “How would you know?”

“Because Eva told me. She broke up with him because he’s a real asshole. Tell her Eva,” Eva was staring at Vilde with a bewildered look on her face. Was she going to defend herself or what?

“Uh, I mean yeah, and because of Vilde,” Eva laughed a little, turning back to Noora. “Chris is just so controlling all the time, did you know he called me slut one time too? For liking girls” Vilde felt bad, hadn’t she called Eva slutty that one time when all the Jonas things were happening? She was pretty sure she had. Vilde squeezed Eva’s hand, sorry, and she felt Eva squeeze back. Vilde was going to say sorry later, for real.

Noora nodded “He was one of the Penetrators after all.”

“He was, wasn’t he,” Vilde said.

The three of them got really quiet after that. No one really knew what to say. Vilde just wanted to get out of there. The silence was killing her.

“We need to get to class now though so, bye!” Vilde said and started dragging Eva with her. She could hear Noora replying something, but not what, so she ignored it.

When they got around the corner and into the corridor with both their lockers, Vilde relaxed again.

“That went well, didn’t it?” Eva started to swing their hands between them.

“It was stressful, but sure.”

****  
10.34

Vilde stood waiting outside of Eva’s classroom. She couldn’t do it anymore. All the looks in class were killing her. She felt like there was something wrong with her.

As soon as she saw Eva walk out of class she took her hand and quickly shoved them into an empty toilet. Vilde locked the door behind them.

“I can’t do this. I thought I could but I can’t,” Vilde rushed the word out. Not wanting to do this a second longer than needed. When they went out through that door she would be free.

“Why not? Are you gonna leave me to battle this by myself?” Eva sounded annoyed.

Vilde tried to think. She didn’t want to let Eva down, at the same time she didn’t want people looking at her when she was walking through the corridor. What was worth more though? Keeping Eva as a friend or not having to feel eyes on her back all the time? The answer was obvious.

“No, of course not. I just, I can’t handle everyone staring all the time.” Maybe Eva had a solution.

“Try and not think about it, they will stop soon enough. Maybe in a week or something, that’s about the time it took when I came out.” Eva shrugged, as if it was that easy. Eva wasn’t as insecure as Vilde, she couldn’t know.

“I didn’t even notice that you came out Eva, I bet not many others did either. It can’t be as many that were staring at you that are staring at me!” Vilde was frustrated.

“That’s because you are thick. You don’t notice things that doesn’t revolve around yourself. People were awful Vilde, mostly guys, they were giggling behind my back, guys were winking at me and asking for threesomes. You must have had a something important taking up your time, maybe how to impress William,” Eva’s voice was venomous, she was upset. Vilde could tell.

“I’m… I’m Sorry,” Vilde didn’t know what to say. She had been quite busy making sure William liked her, she couldn’t deny that.

Vilde went up to Eva to give her a hug. She hooked her chin over Eva’s shoulder and put her arms around her middle. Eva sighed, but then returned the hug. Vilde looked at them in the mirror above the sink. They looked quite good like this, they looked like they fit.

Eva cleared her throat “we should get to the next class.”

Vilde nodded and they let go of each other. Eva unlocked the door and they went out.

****  
17.02

Sana and Vilde were the first ones to the bus meeting. They had decided to have it in school today because everyone's parents were home. Right now they were standing inside right by the entry.

Sana’s phone sounded. It was some arabic or muslim song or something, Vilde didn’t know. Eva had said that when she didn’t know something, she should google it to not offend anyone. Vilde’s phone was out of charge though, and now all she wanted to know was why Sana’s phone sometimes sounded like that. She just had to ask, what else was she supposed to do.

“Hey Sana, what’s that?” She pointed to Sana’s phone.

Sana opened her eyes and looked where Vilde was pointing. She lifted her phone “This? It's a phone”

“No, the song”

Sana angled the phone so Vilde could see the screen. It showed a notification, Time for Asr.

“What does that mean?”

Sana looked at her for a long moment, until it started to feel a bit uncomfortable.

“It means that it is time for me pray,” she said.

Vilde thought back, had Sana ever prayed when that sound sounded before? She couldn’t remember that she had. How do you even pray? Vilde decided not to try her luck and continue asking, Sana was gonna get offended and then Vilde would be back on square one again.

All of a sudden an arm snaked its way around Vilde’s waist and a kiss was dropped to her cheek. Eva squeezed her side and accidentally tickled Vilde with her fingers, Vilde squealed and tried to get away. She stuck her tongue out at Eva when she was safe on the other side of Sana. Eva seemed to finally notice Sana standing there and greeted her.

“Hey, Sana!” Eva said, smiling.

“What’s going on?” Sana nodded between Eva and Vilde. She looked suspicious. Her lips pursed and an eyebrow raised.

This is worse than Noora, thought Vilde. Sana can see through anyone. She had probably already figured them out.

Vilde glanced over Sana’s shoulder at Eva and Eva met her gaze. They hadn’t even spoken about if they should fake it for Sana and Chris yet. Eva broke their eye contact and shifted her eyes back to Sana again. “Well, I broke up with Chris.”

“Doesn’t explain why you two are kissing without being drunk, does it?” Vilde winced, Sana was always brutal.

“Yeah, you heard the rumours? Is Mr. Schistad out there gossiping, or?” Eva laughed nervously. She lifted her hand and scratched her nose. Vilde rolled her eyes, how obviously nervous could you be?

“Yes, apparently you are together because you realised you were in love with Vilde,” Sana replied. Did she look like she believed that? Vilde was still standing behind her, all she could see was Eva being jittery, playing with her hair and blinking a little bit too much. Eva had been fine lying to Noora, what was up with her now?

Vilde decided to walk around and stand beside Eva again, she put her hand on Eva’s back before meeting Sana’s eyes. Sana looked smug, a small smile played on her lips. They were so busted.

“Well-” Vilde tried to find the right words,”-Chris didn’t believe Eva when she told him that-”

“Because it’s not true, you are faking it” Sana interrupted Vilde.

“- Right… right,” with a sigh Vilde stopped talking.

Was Sana gonna tell Noora now? Vilde hoped not, she didn’t think she could stand that kind of embarrassment. But, would it be better if everyone knew it was a bluff so people didn’t assume she liked girls? Not that they were assuming, she had literally started dating a girl, there was no assuming needed.

Eva was awfully quiet. Vilde looked at her, she was biting her lip, waiting for what Sana was going to say. Probably something about how stupid this was. Vilde couldn’t agree more.

“You obviously need help, you cracked after a few seconds.” Vilde and Eva both made an offended noise in protest. “Are you guys even trying to fake date? You act the same way you did when you weren’t dating, the kiss right now was way too awkward to seem real, and Eva has obviously never held a girl before. Vilde is not supposed to get tickled when you hold her, thought you knew that?”

“It was an accident, I didn’t mean to…” Eva’s voice trailed off.

Sana shaked her head “It’s supposed to look like second nature. I could see you on the way over here how you were calculating how you were going to kiss her,” Sana turned to Vilde “And you are supposed to lean in to Eva, not run away from her-”

“Stop,” Vilde held up her hands “We get it Sana, we suck at being in love.”

At Vilde’s side, Eva was nodding in agreement. “I’ve always been with a guy before, they’ve always been taller than me. It’s weird trying to adjust to Vilde being smaller.”

Suddenly Eva’s phone pinged, she dug up her phone from her back pocket and read the text on the screen.

“Chris’s bus is stuck in traffic so she’s not coming,” Eva announced.

“Where’s Noora?” Vilde looked around the entrance of the school, no Noora in sight.

“She’s been weird lately hasn’t she?” Eva pointed out “she keeps saying Eskild is messing around at home, but I don’t think he is.”

“Whatever, do you guys need help or not? We can’t let someone like Christoffer Schistad win.”

Vilde and Eva glanced at each other before they turned back to Sana and nodded.

****  
22.21

Sana Bakkoush added you to the group chat

Sana: When should we meet and go through everything?

Eva: tmrw after school?

_Vilde: cant my sister is gonna perform with her dance class i promised to be there_

Eva: if we skip the class before lunch we have like 2h to talk

_Vilde: what are we gonna tell the others then?_

Eva: chris said shes tired of buses so she wont be in school tmrw and noora is with her spanish class at some museum or smth

_Vilde: arent you in that spanish class too?_

Eva: yeah but i dont like museums

_Vilde: ??_

Sana: Okay, that works. See you tomorrow.

****  
**Tuesday**  
11.01

“You’re late.” Sana stood outside the school building looking as fierce as ever.

“Our classes ended like a minute ago, we rushed here.” Vilde tried to not sound annoyed.

Sana turned around and started walking away from the school. After they catched up with her they asked her where they were going.

“To the park, I want to get away from school. It’s stuffy in there isn’t it?” Sana said. Why did she sound so down?

“You okay?” Eva asked, she must have heard the same as Vilde.

Sana looked taken aback by the question. “Yes, I’m fine.”

“I’m fine,” Eva mocked, all she got was a death stare from Sana. Vilde let a small laugh out, Eva was funny.

The three girls kept on walking, quiet. It wasn’t until they turned onto another street that Sana finally spoke.

“Elias is acting weird and his friend told me he has been drinking.” A concerned look flickered over Sana’s face. Vilde had not seen her look this sad before. Why she was sad Vilde didn’t really understand either. Who was Elias and why wasn’t he allowed to drink?

“Who is Elias?” Vilde asked carefully, she was pretty sure she was supposed to know this already.

Eva looked as puzzled as Vilde felt though. “Yeah, who is Elias?”

“My older brother, he went to Bakka so you don’t know who he is.” Sana went back to looking tough again. “We are here for you guys, let’s just sit on the grass. I brought lunch too.”

They had reached the park and Vilde hadn’t even realised. The sun was shining today, luckily. The grass had finally become green too. Sana chose a place to sit and then she just flopped down on the grass and asked them to join her. She then went on to picking up their lunch from her bag. She had brought sandwiches with cucumber and some juice.

“This is really nice Sana,” Vilde said. She was surprised Sana had made such an effort, all they was going to do was plan some stupid strategy. It wasn’t stupid per se, just not what Vilde would prefer.

“You always think better when you’re not hungry.” Sana responded. Vilde nodded, that made sense.

They ate their sandwiches for a while, Eva talking about her test in english. Apparently she was going to fail.

“I don’t need to know more about Shakespeare and his stupid plays, he bores me,” Eva said defeated. She fell backwards and onto the grass, let out a puff of air and looked up at the sky. “The clouds form dinosaurs guys.”

Vilde abandoned her sandwich to lay down next to Eva. “Huh, they do.”

Eva took out her phone to take a picture of the clouds. When she showed Vilde how it turned out she finally realised how close they were laying. Their whole sides were pressed together, and when they squinted at the phone their heads bumped together making them laugh.

Vilde saw some flowers above their heads and stretched picked them up. “I think they’re the first flowers I’ve seen this year.” they were dandelions. She actually hated those flowers, but they were still flowers, and flowers were always pretty.

“Vilde, be in this pic,” Eva had her phone angled towards herself. Vilde quickly put on a smile and faced the camera. Eva took the picture and sat up to make sure it was okay. Vilde followed suit and pushed herself up in a seated position.

“We look cute,” Vilde squealed, they looked colourful and happy.

“You should post that,” Sana startled them both, making Eva and Vilde jerk their heads around and look at Sana. She was smiling at them. Vilde furrowed her eyebrows. “On instagram. Put a caption that says something cute,” Sana continued.

“Like what?” Vilde was still sat beside Eva, so she went back to sitting across from her. She grabbed what she had left of the sandwich and started eating again. She kind of hated putting it out on instagram for everyone to see. Anyone would be able to see that Vilde and Eva were “together” now. Vilde sighed, if she wanted to be as strong as Eva and not care what others thought, she would try and not think about it.

“I wrote With her in the sun, and the rainbow hearts,” Eva declared. “Is that cute enough?”

Vilde smiled, she would like to lie with Eva in the sun everyday. Because the sun was nice of course, no other reason. Not because Eva’s arm against hers gave her shivers, or because her hair tickled her face, or because in the sun Eva’s eyelashes was casting shadows down her cheek, making them seem impossibly long. Not because of any of that. Vilde put her focus back on Eva who had started to explain their current plan.

“- then I got jealous because a girl was hitting on Vilde last friday… And that’s it,” Eva shrugged. They didn’t have any more than that. Now that Vilde thought about it, was a pretty weak plan. All they had was their backstory, they never even discussed how they were going to act together in public.

“That is nowhere near a finished strategy, maybe like a fourth of a plan.” Sana almost sounded like she pitied them. “I’m here now though, and I’m going to fix this.” She started to gather their plastic mugs and tissues and put them back in her backpack. Out of the backpack she took a pen and a folder full of documents.

This was way more serious than Vilde had expected.

“This is how we will do it,” Sana handed them both a copy of a mind map. “This is what you will rely on, this is your new rulebook.”

Vilde looked down at what was on the paper. In the middle it said Evilde, a combination of Vilde and Eva’s names. She had to admit it was clever. Vilde would have thought of something like Vilde Kviig Mohn, or Eva Lien Hellerud. That might look too much like they were getting married though.

Around their joined name were different topics, Body Language, Pet names, Social media, Inside jokes.

“This is a lot Sana, do we have to take this so seriously? I feel like I’m getting homework,“ Eva moaned. “I hate homework.”

“I’m not the one deciding to start a fake relationship in the first place, either you fail and embarrass yourself with your plan, or you succeed with mine.”

Vilde was on board with anything that would conclude in her not having to do a walk of shame through the school yard in the near future. “I’ll do whatever you say,” Vilde put her hand up as if to yield to the almighty Sana. Sana smiled at Vilde, but looked down at her phone when it gave off a sound.

Eva just sighed in acceptance.

“Explain then,” was all Eva said.

Sana looked up from her phone. “Right, Body Language is pretty simple, there is no need for over-touching. Being comfortable means just leaning into each other, lacing your fingers together under the table, looking at each other when the other isn’t looking. If you start kissing in front of people it just looks suspicious,” Sana paused “If you’re not Isak and Even, who kiss whenever, wherever.”

They all laughed, “Hah, no we’re not them. But I think we get it? Just try and don’t overthink it, and touch when it feels right.” Eva turned to Vilde to see if she agreed, she nodded.

Sana flipped her paper and continued, “Pet names, do you have any for the other?” She motioned between them.

Vilde shaked her head, “No, I don’t think so?” Eva shaked her head, too.

“Work something out,” was all Sana said. She seemed eager to finish this now. “Social media is going well, all good. What’s next… Inside jokes!” Sana glanced up at them from her papers expectantly.

Vilde was fast to answer, “We won’t tell you, then it’s not an inside joke anymore.” Eva looked at Vilde as if to say do we even have an inside joke? Vilde nodded. Of course they had, she just had to figure one out.

“Fair enough,” Sana stood up and put on her backpack. “Got to go lovebirds, bye!” She beamed at them before waving and taking off.

Vilde and Eva watched as Sana’s form became smaller and smaller.

“What’s up with her?”

****  
17.53

_Eva changed the group name to Operation Evilde_

Eva: hows the dancng going?

_Vilde: she hasnt danced yet_

Sana: Wish her good luck!

Eva: where did u go before sana?

****  
**Wednesday**  
09.12

_Chris: vilde and eva are together and i get to hear it from some dude in my german class?_

Eva: we were gonna tell u but u wouldnt come to sschool

_ Chris: why didnt uu text????? :’(((( _

Eva: sry….. :/

Sana: Had lunch with them yesterday, they were pretty cute

_Vilde: we have always been cute <3333_

**Noora: Since when do you like girls Vilde?**

_Vilde: since always, eva figured it out bc i was getting hit on by another girl, and i dont tell you everything about my life so_

_ Chris: chill ellevillevillde, but u know u couldve talked about it with us ritgh? _

_Vilde: Thx stasavaerechris <3_

**Noora: everything makes sense now**

Eva: what makes sense?

**Noora: Vilde makes sense**

_Vilde: what does that mean?_

****  
**Wednesday**

15.30

Eva and Vilde were sat beside each other in the library, all by themselves, Vilde studying on her computer and Eva fiddling with her phone. Eva’s legs were thrown into Vilde’s lap and she was slumped down in her chair, now and then letting out a sigh.

When Eva sighed for the hundredth time, Vilde let out a pained groan. “Can you stop? I have an assignment that has to be done today, you’re distracting me.”

“Sorry, I can leave if you want” Eva sounded defeated.

She started to take her feet off of Vilde’s lap, but before Eva could stand up Vilde grabbed onto her shin, forcing her to stay seated in her chair. “No, Stay! Sorry I… You could help me maybe? I’m stressed, I could need some help.” She looked at Eva with pleading eyes. Vilde really wanted to just hang out with Eva, even if they were studying.

Eva rolled her eyes, “Fine, I can stay.” She had a small smile on her lips, was she happy Vilde wanted her to stay? Vilde didn’t know, all she knew was that Eva was really pretty when she smiled.

“Hand me the book, I can read out loud and you can write down the answers. Maybe I’ll even learn something.” Vilde handed Eva the book and turned to the computer, fingers ready over her keyboard.

Eva cleared her voice, “Explain what a crusade is and what the equivalent-”

“Hello!”

A cheerful greeting interrupted them. They both looked to where the voice was coming from and saw Magnus standing in front of them with his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth nervously.

“What are you guys doing?”

Vilde held back a sigh, did he have to disturb them? She saw that Eva quickly looked at her before answering Magnus.

“I’m helping Vilde study and every time she gets a right i give her a kiss as a reward.” Eva was inspecting Magnus, as if looking for some kind of reaction, but Magnus just looked confused.

Her glare was getting a little too intense and Magnus was beginning to look uncomfortable.

“She’s lucky I have a six in history!” Vilde said with a laugh, trying to break the awkward moment.

Eva blinked and turned her eyes down to the book again. “Sure am,” she mumbled.

Vilde dropped her hand to Eva’s shin again and pinched her leg. Eva didn’t react. What was wrong with her?

“All I really wanted, was to know if you two are actually together. Sorry if I’m bothering you or something.” Magnus actually looked sorry. “But like, the guys are wondering. We’ve heard rumours so… are you?”

Vilde didn’t know what to say. The answer was yes, but somehow she couldn’t say anything. All she could do was stare at Magnus’ waiting face.

Eva came alive again though. “Yes! Yes we are. Indeed. Very much girlfriends. You’re completely right.”

Magnus groaned. “Great, now I owe Even 100 kroner. It’s so unfair, his gaydar is off the charts. I mean he could smell Isak’s gayness from miles away, and he looked so straight.

“Even knew we were gay?” Vilde asked. Could Even see gayness in her? Suddenly she was scared.

“You bet on us?” Was Eva’s concern. “We’re not some game.”

Magnus widened his eyes. “Of course not!” He looked down at his empty wrist. “Well look at that, the clock is ticking, I need to run.” He pointed with his thumb over his shoulder and then took off out of the library.

Eva shook her head in disbelief.

When Magnus disappeared through the door Vilde turned to Eva. “What’s up with you? Why were you acting weird?”

“Nothing is up with me, I wasn’t acting weird.” She tried to smile but it just looked strained.

Vilde narrowed her eyes, not really falling for her words. Eva let go of the book and threw her hands in the air.

Vilde laughed, “Fine, nothing is weird.”

“Do you want my help or not? You better start behaving, or else I might have to leave.” She tried to act stern, but Vilde could see that the corners of her mouth was slowly going up, turning her frown into a smile.

“Hit me with a question.”

****  
**Thursday**  
15.39

“Quick! take my hand, I can see Chris,” Eva grabbed on to Vildes hand. Then she started talking about her mom’s new boyfriend again, apparently he was quite nice. Both their hands were a bit sweaty, but Eva didn’t seem to mind, and Vilde certainly wasn’t minding, not at all.

Chris walked past them, pretending not to look. Vilde knew he was jealous though, and to be honest, it felt good knowing that. Not that he really had anything to be jealous of. They were pretending the whole thing. Which was a bummer. Or was it? Vilde couldn’t tell anymore.

Eva didn’t let go of Vilde’s hand until they walked on the bus taking them to the mall. When she let go Vilde almost held on, not wanting to feel her hand being empty.

Vilde had complained half the day before that she didn’t have an outfit for fridays party. So now they were on their way to the mall to get some clothes. Eva had said that she looked good in any outfit, which was a confidence boost for sure, but she still wanted something new.

“I want alcohol tomorrow, like a lot of alcohol,” Eva said out of the blue.

Vilde laughed “You always want that!”

Eva dug her elbow into Vilde’s side, but she kept laughing. “Stop! you want that too.”

“Actually, I really do.”

Now Eva was laughing too. “Which kind of drunk couple do you want us to be? The ones who can’t keep their hands to themselves or the one couple who always starts a fight?”

She cleared her throat, suddenly flustered. “Well we can’t fight, so I guess, touchy couple?”

“Yeah? Deal? We’re gonna be so gross,” Eva was smiling so big, and the sun was right behind her, making a gloria around her head.

Vilde smiled back. “So gross.”

****  
16.22

Vilde didn’t really know what she was supposed to wear now that she “liked girls”. How do girls who like girls dress? She glanced at Eva’s clothes, jeans, a t-shirt and a flannel. Eva liked boys too though so Vilde felt like Eva was a bad example. Vilde asked her about it anyway.

“So, what am I supposed to wear to show people that i “like girls?””

Eva stayed quiet, looking around at the clothes in the store.

Suddenly she pointed at a red dress, “that one maybe,” she moved her hand, “Or those black jeans, or that blue sweater, or that grey t-shirt, or that skirt with flowers on them, or that-”

“But that’s like anything” Vilde interrupted Eva. “I feel like I should wear some sort of lesbian statement,” she tried to explain. Lesbians usually wore more manly clothes, right? Maybe they should walk over to the men's section. She could like guys too, just like Eva. There was no one who had said she needed to be a lesbian for this to work. Neither Sana nor Eva had said anything about that. For some reason though, it didn’t feel right to be bisexual.

“You can wear what you want Vilde. There is nothing you can’t wear when you like girls,” Eva said. “What you have on is fine.” Did Eva sound tired?

Vilde looked down at her own clothes. She was wearing a pink blouse with a white jean jacket and light blue jeans. It looked girly. For some reason she didn’t identify these kind of clothes with someone who liked girls. Maybe that was why she wore it, the more pink the farther away from her being that. Not that there was any reason for her to distance herself from it when she wasn’t gay.

If Eva wasn’t gonna give her any advice she would choose for herself. She started to roam the store, looking for a dress. Eva was right behind her. She took out dress after dress, and put them back again. How was she going to find the right one if she didn’t know what she was looking for?

“I like this one,” Eva was holding up a short black lacy dress with long sleeves, pink was peeking through the lace on the body. It looked like a more daring version of herself. If Eva liked it, it was probably cute.

“I can try it I guess,” Vilde took the dress and walked over to a dressing room.

Eva tried to follow her inside but Vilde stopped her in slight panic. “Can you wait outside?” she pleaded. Eva held up her hands and sat down on one of the chairs outside, while Vilde closed the door.

Vilde let out a big breath, and started to change clothes. She got the dress on, but couldn’t close the zipper on the back by herself. She cursed when she realised she had to ask Eva for help. She opened the door and stuck her head out. Eva was still sitting on the chair playing on her phone.

“Eva, can you help me?” Vilde asked and Eva looked up.

She stood up and walked over to her, “Sure.”

Vilde ushered Eva inside before turning around and pointing to her back and her zipper, she made a sound in understanding. Vilde held her breath when Eva took hold of the zipper. She could feel Eva’s fingers brushing against Vilde’s skin on her back. When Eva was done and had let go, Vilde could finally breathe again. She turned to the mirror.

“You look amazing,” Eva said, confirming what Vilde felt.

“I feel kind of amazing, and cool”

Eva laughed, “This is it then! You look and feel amazing, what more to a dress is there?”

Vilde smiled at herself in the mirror, she guess there was nothing more to it really. She ran her hands over the dress. This was it.

“Get out then, I need to change back and buy this.” Vilde pushed Eva outside again.

Her heart was still pounding in her chest from when Eva touched her. The skin on her back was still warm from her fingers. She couldn’t explain this reaction to her own mind. Before,not being able to have an explanation for her reactions would have been a big deal, but now she didn’t care. Who cared if she felt different with Eva? No one was going to know anyway. Except everyone thought they knew, because they were basically a couple because of this fake relationship.

It was getting hard for her brain to know what was real and what wasn’t. If she just didn’t think about it, everything would probably be fine.

Vilde let out a sigh when she realised she couldn’t get the dress off without Eva’s help again.

****  
**Friday**  
12.04

Isak was sat with Vilde and Eva at lunch. Vilde didn’t really know why, he had come over to wish them congratulation on their relationship, and then just stayed.

Eva decided to congratulate Isak too, in her own way.

“So Isak, I just want to say that I am really happy that you finally found someone, so you don’t need search for company on the internet.” Eva smirked. Vilde was confused. Isak looked confused too.

“What are you talking about?”

“Just that maybe you should close your tabs on your phone when you’re done searching for, you know, videos.” Eva winked at Isak, and he turned bright red. Vilde couldn’t help but giggle, Eva always make her giggle.

“When did you find that on my phone?” Isak had leaned forward and whispered to Eva, not wanting anyone to hear this conversation.

“Last christmas. Noora and I thought you had a thing with Chris after that.”

Last christmas? Vilde stared at Eva. Had she known Isak was gay for a year before he came out? Vilde never used to think about the fact that people were gay before they came out, but she guessed they always were.

“That’s… That’s just embarrassing.” Isak put his face in his hands and shaked his head, clearly flustered.

Eva shrugged, “It’s fine, I watch porn all the time.” Vilde choked on air, she did what?

“What?”

Eva turned her head to Vilde, “Yeah? You don’t?”

“I mean, no? Not really? No…” Vilde rambled on. She had watched porn, just for like, education. She wanted to know what made people so obsessed about it. She never figured out the appeal. At least the girls always had cute underwear.

“Aren’t you supposed to watch porn together now that you’re a couple?” Isak asked.

Eva smirk reappeared, “Are you saying you and Even watch porn together?”

Isak froze. “Yes… Yup,” was all he got out.

“Huh, maybe we should try that too Vilde.” Why was Eva so open with everything?

Vilde reached out and hooked her foot around Eva’s, she needed the support to make sure she didn’t start rambling again. “Why not?”

Isak rolled his eyes, “Can we not talk about each other's sex lives, thanks?

****  
19.29

Eva and Vilde got ready together at Vilde’s house. Vilde’s mum had been home when Eva walked in, just sitting on the couch having a glass of wine watching TV. Vilde had been nervous, none of the girls had met her mum before, but Eva was as usual an exception to every rule Vilde had put up in her life so far. Vilde’s mum had looked good today though, nothing to be ashamed of.

They were in Vilde’s room trying on clothes and putting on makeup. “You want some crackers, or something to drink, or…?” Vilde didn’t have any more options than that. They never had snack food at home, Vilde’s mom didn’t allow her kids to eat that kind of stuff.

“I’m fine, can you help me with this instead?” Eva was holding up an eyeshadow brush. “Everyone says I’m shit at makeup.”

Vilde went up to her and sat down on the other chair beside Eva, taking the brush from her. “Who cares what anyone else thinks? I think you look good anyway.”

Eva rolled her eyes, “even though the shadow is smudged and not blended enough?” Then she closed her eyes to let Vilde paint her eyelids.

“Yeah, you always look good,” That sounded a little too non-platonic, Vilde licked her lips, “I mean, I wish I always looked good in anything, you just put something on and can make it work.” Was that still too I’m attracted to you sounding? Vilde decided to just shut up and keep blending.

“You look good in everything too! The dress we bought yesterday, you so looked hot. The jeans you wore last wednesday, even hotter.” Eva had already downed 2 drinks, was she drunk? Vilde didn’t know how to react. She was blushing against her will and a small, shaky laugh slipped out.

“So I should wear jeans instead tonight?” Vilde joked, she would never wear jeans to a party.

Eva seemed to agree, because she cried out a loud NO! and opened her eyes. Vilde was not done with the eyeshadow though, so the brush went straight into Eva’s eye, making her scream out, again.

“Fuuuuck!” Eva was holding over her eye, “That hurt.”

“I’m sorry! Shit, I’m so sorry,” Vilde kept apologizing, “I’m sorry…” she winced when Eva tried to open her eye again. It looked swollen.

Eva turned and looked in the mirror and immediately started laughing, “It looks like I’ve got chlamydia in my eye.”

Vilde snorted, before starting to giggle, before letting out a big laugh. Eva was still staring at the mirror laughing. They both got interrupted by a knock on the door.

“I don’t know what you are doing, but keep it down. I’m watching a movie.” Vilde’s mom’s voice slipped through the door. Eva slapped her hands over her mouth to keep from giggling.

“We’ll keep it down, sorry!” She pressed her lips together and shoved Eva. “If you don’t stop laughing I’ll wear pyjama bottoms to the party.” Vilde whispered, teasing.

Eva mimicked locking her mouth and throwing away the key.

****  
20.20

Vilde’s mum didn’t really care that she went to parties and drank alcohol. She might have even pushed Vilde to go to her first party. Eva had been quite shocked when her mum had kissed Vilde goodbye and then just joked about hoping to not find them in a ditch somewhere. She didn’t mention it, but Vilde knew Eva was thinking about it.

“She’s just proud I’m socialising.” Vilde tried to defend her mum. Eva just hummed in response.

They walked to the party, hand in hand. No one was there to see, but Vilde felt more grounded holding onto Eva. Eva hadn’t complained, she had just taken Vilde’s hand and held on. Maybe she could feel how nervous Vilde was.

When they turned a street and saw they house the party was held in, Vilde stopped. Everyone would know she liked Eva. Not that they would know for real, they would know a fake version. It almost made Vilde throw up the drink she’d had before they went out the door.

Did she like Eva? Or had these feelings come along with all this pretending they had been doing. She didn’t know anymore. Everything in her head was going in circles, around and around. All she knew was that Eva was different. Eva was the only one who could make her heart beat this loud and Vilde’s heart was pounding so hard she couldn’t even hear Eva talking to her.

“Vilde!” Eva pulled on Vilde’s hand, trying to get her to move.

“Sorry, I…” Vilde didn’t know what to say, she was thinking too much.

Vilde let go of her hand, touching Eva’s skin was distracting, it was too soft and too warm. Vilde started walking towards the house on her own, leaving Eva to run to keep up with her. Eva looked confused, but Vilde found she didn’t care right now. What she needed was more alcohol to get these feeling numbed down, to not feel them for awhile.

Eva kept quiet, could she sense that Vilde was silently panicking?

When they got through the door Eva gave Vilde the wine and alcohol from her bag. “You wanna mix the drinks? Chris wanted me to find her, I think she broke up with Kasper.”

Chris didn’t want to talk to Vilde about it? They were friends first, after all. Vilde shrugged, whatever, she needed to get away from Eva for awhile anyway. “Yeah, sure.”

Eva gave her a peck on the lips before she slipped away. It left Vilde stunned. There Eva just went and blurred the lines between their real feelings and the fake relationship. How was Vilde supposed to figure anything out when Eva messed everything up by doing stuff like that.

Vilde pushed her feelings to the back of her head. First alcohol, then feelings. Not her brightest idea to let her emotions free when she was drunk, but whatever, who was going to stop her.

She shifted the bag of alcohol to her other hand before she stepped out of her shoes and walked into the kitchen. It wasn’t the same house as the last party, but she still got flashbacks from Astrid approaching her in when she stood in kitchen. She should’ve flirted back, maybe this whole mess wouldn’t have happened.

Isak and Eskild were the only ones in there, so she gave them a smile before starting to lifting the bottles out of the bag and placing them on the counter. She wasn’t even good at mixing drinks, why was she the one doing it?

“Welcome to the family Vilde,” Eskild came and gave Vilde a one sided hug where she stood mixing drinks.

“Huh?”

“You know, the gay family! It’s you, me, Isak, Noora-”

“Noora?”

“- and probably Linn too, she just won’t tell me,” Eskild sighed. Vilde was just confused, did he say Noora or had she heard wrong?

“Noora is gay?” Vilde asked, but Eskild kept talking about something else.

Isak answered though, where he was sat at the table with his phone, “Eskild just think she is, she made a new friend who has come over and this guy-” he nodded at Eskild “- keeps betting on when Noora will come out.”

“A new friend? Why don’t I know about this? Who is it?” Why hasn't Noora talked to her? Was this the reason Noora kept making up excuses to not hang out?

Isak rolled his eyes, “Maybe because you can’t keep your mouth shut about rumours, ever thought about that?” Vilde tilted her head to the side, it wasn’t that weird of a reason really, she had the ability to gossip.

“I think her name is Astrid or something, she’s nice I guess. I’ve only said hi to her a couple times.”

Vilde choked on the drink she had just been tasting and began coughing. Astrid? Her eyes started watering and she kept coughing. Eskild helped her by clapping her on her back to get the drink from the lungs.

What the fuck? Noora was friends, maybe together with, Astrid? It didn’t have to be the same Astrid who had flirted with her, but at the same time she couldn’t think of any other Astrid than that one. Maybe she hadn’t flirted with her at all? Noora and Astrid could be just friends. Not that Noora and Astrid couldn’t be friends even though Astrid liked girls. This was just weird. Noora had never said anything about liking girls before. Vilde shaked her head, Noora had sounded weirded out by the fact that Vilde liked girls. Why? If she did too?

Eva glided into the kitchen on her socks and crashed into Vilde. “Hello my love, you look lovely today,” Eva said in a strange voice and took hold of Vilde’s head with both her hands and kissed her temple.

Vilde laughed, “What’s up with you?”

“I’m just happy.” Eva smiled with her teeth at Vilde.

“You guys are disgustingly in love, I hate it.” Eskild let out a sigh. Vilde had forgotten that Eskild and Isak were in the kitchen too as soon as Eva had come sliding.

“We’re not worse than Isak and Even,” Vilde said.

“Nah, no one is,” Isak smirked at them, and when Vilde stuck her tongue out he laughed.

Somehow the group split up and Eva and Vilde moved into the living room. Vilde just happened to sit down in Eva’s lap on the couch, or it could be the alcohol that made her brave enough to do it. There she sat while they talked to different people who came and went. They both had drinks in their hands the whole time.

Vilde put down her glass on the living room table. “I need to go to the toilet, can you wait for me right here so I can find you again?” Vilde asked, stumbling up from Eva’s lap.

“We don’t need to be joined at the hip Vilde, people will get annoyed.” Eva took hold of Vilde’s hips so she wouldn’t fall.

“I know that! Go talk to someone. Even is walking over here, talk to him or something,” Vilde pointed right at Even who was sliding between bodies on his way to them.

“Hey girls, you both look great,” Even winked and flopped down next to Eva.

“Thanks Even. Need to go to the bathroom now or else I will pee myself. Talk to Eva, she’s lonely.” Eva looked offended and Even laughed.

“Will do,” Even said and saluted Vilde before she turned around and hastily walked towards the bathroom. She had to admit she wasn’t the most steady on her feet, she had to walk against the wall to not trip over her own feet.

For some reason, when sitting on the toilet, she always realised how drunk she was. She sat there, not really having the energy to wipe. Alcohol was great.

She laughed when she looked at the toilet roll. What the fuck? First time she met Eva she was crying because of some toilet rolls. How could Eva still have decided to be friends with her when that had happened? She snorted and got ready to walk out to Eva again.

When she got to the living room again she saw Eva and Even still talking. They looked like they were having a deep conversation. Vilde tried to walk in a straight line, it didn’t work out that well. When had she gotten this drunk? Probably after her 4th glass of wine.

Vilde got closer to the pair, and catched on to their conversation.

“People just think I’m confused, and that i want to have threesomes.” Even nodded along to what Eva was saying.

“Right? They don’t understand. People just always have to question me. I was together with a girl for 4 years, who cares? I can still like another gender too.”

They both lifted their gaze to Vilde when she stepped up to them.

“Here you are, talking all bisexual talk without me. Nice job Even, you took care of Eva,” Vilde patted Even on his head. He had watched Eva, she appreciated that, otherwise Eva might have gone lost.

Even smiled at her, “I’m pansexual, not bi.”

Vilde looked at Even with a blank stare. Was this one of those moments where she should google the word pansexual because she didn't know what it was? Even looked back, still with a smile on his lips as if he knew what Vilde was thinking about.

Eva suddenly took hold of Vilde’s waist and pulled her down so she straddled Eva on the couch. Vilde thought she heard Even excuse himself and walk away, but Vilde had put her head on Eva’s shoulder, her focus completely on the girl under her, to whisper in her ear.

“I think I’m drunk, and my dress has ridden up”

“I think I am too, and don’t worry, I’m the only one who can see your lace panties.” Eva whispered back. Vilde giggled.

As much as Vilde loved just sitting here with her cheek against Eva’s cheek, she would love to touch lips too. Being this close to her favourite human was making all of her feelings come back from where she had pushed them earlier this evening. She would really, really like to get closer to Eva, if that was even possible.

Vilde was quite drunk, but not as drunk as she seemed, she was putting it on a bit. Now Eva wouldn’t find it strange if Vilde asked for a kiss.

“Didn’t we make a deal to be a gross overly touchy couple when drunk? We should make out.”

Eva tightened her arms around Vilde’s middle before answering, “That sounds great.”

Vilde lifted her head from Eva’s shoulder and looked at her for a long moment. Vilde thought they were both trying to read each other. Vilde was the one to lean forward first to fit her mouth on Eva’s. Finally, the reason she had come to the first party, in the first place was happening, she was kissing Eva. All of this work for these lips against hers again. She had to admit that it was worth it.

Vilde lifted her hands from the back of the couch to tangle them in Eva’s hair. Eva let out a sound in encouragement so she tightened her hands at the same time Eva started to stroke her back.

They moved their lips together in sync, like they couldn’t get enough of each other’s taste. Eva’s lips tasted sweet from her fruity drink. She wondered if Eva could taste Vilde’s drink too.

Vilde started to get dizzy from the lack of air and pulled her head back a couple inches. She put her head where Eva’s neck met her shoulder, and breathed in.

“You smell nice,” Vilde mumbled, her lips touching Eva’s skin.

“You too,” Eva replied, her voice barely audible.

When they crushed their lips together again Eva immediately pushed her tongue between Vilde’s lips. She had missed having Eva’s tongue in her mouth. She had longed to feel this close to her again. It didn’t feel strange or forced to kiss Eva. It felt natural, like this was what she was meant to do.

Slowly Vilde came to a realisation. She let go of Eva’s lips to catch her breath again. Their foreheads touched and Vilde closed her eyes.

I’m in love with Eva, Vilde thought. When she said those words to herself in her head she could finally accept it. Vilde wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Laugh because it felt freeing to finally welcome those feelings into her heart, and cry because Eva most likely didn’t feel the same way about her.

“You okay?” Eva looked at her with furrowed eyebrows, concern shining in her eyes.

Vilde’s throat felt like it was closing in on itself, “Yeah, I just need some air, I’ll be right back.” She quickly clambered off of Eva had headed towards the door.

As soon the cold air outside hit Vilde’s face she felt her mind sobering up. She sat down on the porch and put her head in her hands. Life was shit. Everyone was having a good time inside, and here she was with tears forming in her eyes. Was she actually crying because Eva would never love her back? How pathetic. She hadn’t even liked girls a week ago. Or, well, she hadn’t realised yet. How she hadn’t realised was beyond her. She did all this to have the opportunity to kiss Eva again, how much more obviously gay can you be than that?

It felt shitty to bear this secret on her own, she wished she had someone to talk to. If her life would have been normal, she could have talked to her mum about it. But her “wine evenings” made that pretty unlikely.

She quickly dried her tears when she heard the front door open behind her.

“Are you sad because you finally realised Eva is in love with me and not you?” Vilde twisted her head around and saw Christoffer standing in the door, a smug look on his face.

Vilde snorted, but she had no idea what she was gonna answer, so she didn’t. This guy was unbelieveable. Was it illegal to stab someone even if they deserved it?

“I take that as a yes then,” Chris said and sat down next to Vilde on the porch.

“Just shut up, not everything’s about you. People have lives you know.” Vilde shut her eyes, not wanting to see Chris’s face a second longer.

“I know she’s not in love with you, she told me so,” Vilde jumped, Chris had leaned over and talked into Vilde’s ear. “She just wanted to experiment with a girl, and you were the easiest choice. All scared to not fit in and no confidence left since William killed your spirit. I like it this way to be honest. I got tired of your annoying voice whining all the time. Time for you to grow up Vilde, show us how fucking weak you actually are. Realise no one will love you if you act like a spoiled brat all the ti-”

Vilde couldn’t stand to hear any more, her eyes were tearing up again and bile was rising in her throat. She put her hands over her ears to block out Chris’s voice. His words were cutting through her, making her stomach clench in pain. Vilde felt like she was gonna die.

Tears were falling from her cheeks, landing on her bare thighs.

What if everything he said was true? Vilde had a big fear of not fitting in, was that unbearable for everyone around her? Did everyone get annoyed at her unusually high pitched voice? She was weak, everything affected her. She couldn’t even go through with a fake relationship without falling in love.

Vilde didn’t know if Chris had kept on talking, she still had her hands against her ears to prevent his words for killing her.

Suddenly a hand clasped her shoulder, making Vilde pull back. She opened her eyes and saw Sana looking down at her with concern. She must have just gotten here. A guy with his hair in his eyes was standing behind her, Vilde didn’t recognize him. Chris must have left.

“You want me to get Eva?” Sana asked.

“No!” Vilde cried out. What would she possibly say to Eva?

Sana made no effort to reply. Instead she told the guy to go inside without her. He carefully touched Sana’s wrist before walking inside by himself.

“Who was that?” Vilde asked between sobs.

“Yousef.” Sana sounded happy saying his name.

Vilde thought back to Sana dashing off without saying to where. “Is he the one making you smile?”

Sana’s smile grew, “I guess so.”

Vilde’s tears had stopped falling, she got distracted by seeing Sana this happy. She was pretty sure she had never been at peace like this before.

Sana came and sat down on the same spot Chris had been sitting on. It made Vilde feel uncomfortable, like Sana was going to start spewing nasty things at her too.

“Why were you crying?”

Damn it, her eyes began to sting with tears again. She looked around to make sure no one was within hearing distance. If she was gonna tell Sana, only Sana was allowed to know.

Vilde cleared her throat, and then she cleared it again. Sana was patiently waiting for Vilde to get the courage to share.

Vilde twisted her hands around and licked her lips before opening her mouth. No sound came out though so she snapped it close.

She opened her mouth and tried again, “I’m in love with Eva.”

When the words had been said, she wanted them unsaid again. If she had just kept quiet she would have been able to go through life and forget about this whole thing. Sana was silent beside her. When Vilde glanced at her she was staring out into the distance, chewing her lip.

Sana took a deep breath and teared her eyes away from the driveway to look at Vilde. “You should tell her,” she said, like it was that easy.

Vilde spluttered, “But, I… Sana? I can’t just tell her! She doesn’t feel the same way.” Was Sana crazy? Had this Yousef made her believe in happy endings or what was happening?

Sana hummed, “How do you know? That she doesn’t love you back?”

Because Vilde was Vilde of course.

“She broke up with her boyfriend a week ago, you can’t fall in love with someone within a week.” Vilde made duh-sound, she wasn’t stupid.

“That’s just dumb Vilde, you don’t know what she feels. You need to talk to her about it,” Sana argued back.

The door opened before Vilde could answer. The sound of the door handle being pushed down sent cold shivers down her spine. If Chris came out again Vilde was gonna take off running.

It wasn’t Chris, it was Eva who put her head out the door. She had a smile on her face, but when she saw Vilde’s tear-streaked cheeks her face fell.

Vilde turned around again and dragged her hands down her face. Did the moment have to come right now? She’d only just told Sana, was she going to have to bare her soul for Eva today too? She thought she would at least get a week to prepare.

“I’ll leave you two,” Sana said and got up and closed the door behind her that Eva had left open.

Vilde couldn’t stand one more person sitting down beside her on the same spot so she jumped up from the porch. She walked over to the swings that was stood on the house’s front lawn. Eva followed her and sat down on the other swing.

She loved her dress a lot, but she didn’t really feel like having this talk in a party dress. A suit would have been perfect. Dressed in a suit would have been appropriate for this very important conversation.

Eva must have misjudged the situation when Vilde kept fiddling with the hems of her dress. “You look great in that dress Vilde, I promise,” Eva assured Vilde.

Vilde rolled her eyes, how she looked was actually the least of her concerns, wearing a suit would have made her more confident though.

“I wanted to talk about our relationship maybe?” Vilde said it like a question. She almost put her hand to her chest to calm down her heart.

“What about it?” Eva asked.

Vilde looked over at Eva. She was making the swing move back and forth with her feet on the ground. Her eyes were fixed on the house so all Vilde could see was her profile. She was so beautiful, the most beautiful person Vilde had ever seen. Which was pretty sappy, but she didn’t care. She decided she was allowed to be the in love with her whole being before Eva broke her heart.

Vilde had forgotten that Eva had asked a question until she repeated it. “What about our relationship?”

Vilde bit her lip, what was she going to answer. She needed so much more time than this. She had just figured it out herself.

It was getting chilly outside, she wondered what the time was, how long she could avoid having this conversation before Eva got too cold.

This was it.

“I don’t think this is working.” Vilde grimaced, it wasn’t the declaration of love she had wanted to come out of her mouth.

Eva quickly turned her head to Vilde. “What do you mean it’s not working? It’s working amazingly. Chris has looked pissed the entire evening, and that’s why we’re doing this, to get Chris off my back, right?” Eva sounded confused and suddenly Vilde felt sorry for her. She didn’t know anything that was going on in Vilde’s head. Eva was going to get the shock of her life.

“Not that.” Vilde sighed, how was she going to be able to say it? “I mean that… I’m just… I can’t deal with it, it’s too much.”

“You can’t deal with it? You’ve said that before and then been completely fine.” Eva said irritated.

Vilde wanted to say that she hadn’t been fine. Nothing of this had been fine. Her heart had been hurting the entire time.

“It’s not the same thing as last time, okay? Then I was worried what other people might think, now I’m just worried what you might think.” Vilde was scared. Eva wouldn’t hate her, right?

Eva kept quiet, no response. It just made Vilde even more scared. Why wasn’t she saying anything? Why couldn’t Eva reassure her that she would never think any differently of Vilde.

Vilde looked down. They could hear the music and people’s voices from inside.

All the words inside her head was trying to get out, pounding with their fists on the inside of her skull.

Vilde started talking when she had had enough of the silence, she couldn’t avoid it anymore “It’s supposed to be fake. That’s the thing! I can’t keep faking when all I’m feeling is real, when I’m in love with you for real! How do you expect me to keep faking then?”

She could feel herself getting hysteric “I’m in love with you and I can’t keep this up. It hurts too much, and I’m scared, I don’t want you to hate me. Please don’t hate me,” her voice had gone pleading.

Vilde closed her eyes, not daring to look at Eva. If Eva didn’t say anything now either, Vilde had no idea what she was gonna do.

Eva took a deep breath.

“I don’t hate you, I think I’m in love with you too.”

Vilde stopped breathing.

“What did you say?” Her voice was shaking and she could feel her cheeks slowly getting more and more red.

Had she heard right? Was her feelings actually reciprocated?

Her heart was jumping out of her chest, she could hear her heart beats in her ears. Why wasn’t Eva saying anything? Vilde was dying.

Vilde gazed up at Eva, and Eva was looking back at her. She didn’t know if Eva was smiling or not, but her lips was twitching for sure. Maybe Eva was just having a laugh at Vilde’s expense.

“Do I have to say it again?” Eva whined. “I’m in love with you! I love you.”

Just like that.

“But you can’t fall in love with someone in a week, that’s not how it works.” Vilde tried to explain how Eva couldn’t be in love with her. “You have to get know that person before you fall in love, and you just broke up with Chris!”

“I was never in love with Chris, we were kinda like fuck buddies. Then all of a sudden he became this controlling boyfriend and i didn’t know what to do. I never had feelings for him but somehow I got roped into this relationship I never even wanted.” Eva shrugged.

Vilde just let out a small “Oh.”

“And are you saying I don’t know you? I’ve known you for like one and a half years, we’re best friends.” Eva continued.

That was actually true. They knew each other really well, they were best friends for goodness sake. Vilde hadn’t thought about it like that before.

Eva kept on talking. “And if you can’t fall in love with someone in a week, how come you fell in love with me in a week?”

Vilde snorted, “I’ve had feeling for you for like a year, I’ve just pushed them away. Again and again. I thought I was wrong. I thought no one would like me if they found out. You teach me to not be afraid, Eva, every day. That’s what I’m doing now, learning not to be afraid.”

Eva’s eyes were getting teary.

“No, please don’t cry. I’m not pushing my feelings away anymore. They are not weighing me down like they did before.” Vilde reached out for Eva who took hold of Vilde’s hand and squeezed it before letting go again.

Eva stood up and turned to Vilde. “I’m not sad Vilde, I’m really really happy. These are happy tears.” She pointed at the tears falling down her face. “And I liked you before I got together with Chris. Maybe he was a distraction, I don’t really know. Just believe me when I tell you that I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Vilde announced. She wanted the whole world to know.

They both fell quiet after that, but this time it wasn’t a awkward or pressing silence. This time they were listening to each other breathing, and the music fro inside, and their own hearts beating.

Vilde couldn’t stand silence for too long though so she jumped off the swing and sat down on the cold grass, it felt good against her hot skin. Eva joined her and sat down in front of her with her legs crossed, copying Vilde. They looked at each other.

“Can I kiss you?” Eva asked. She was biting her lip.

Vilde wondered if maybe Eva was just as nervous as she was. She was not used to seeing Eva nervous around her, Eva was supposed to be the confident one of the two. Vilde was used to see Eva flirting with boys with ease, she was used to Eva being friends with everyone. No one ever disliked her. She never had a reason to be nervous.

Vilde decided that she wanted to be confident now. When did she have a better reason to be confident than when someone had confessed that they were in love with her. She had every reason ever to feel like the happiest, luckiest, most confident person in the world.

Vilde scooted forward and put her knees over Eva’s knees and her hands on Eva’s thighs.

“I’m going to kiss you now.” Eva nodded wildly as Vilde leaned in to close the distance between them.

They both closed their eyes right when their lips touched. At first they weren’t doing anything, just holding their lips together and feeling each other's space. Then Vilde opened her mouth slightly to press and open kiss to Eva’s lips. Eva moaned and met Vildes open mouth with her own.

Vilde let out a giggle against Eva’s lips when her hands found their way down her sides.

Vilde didn’t know how long they sat there on the grass kissing, but her hands had wandered higher and higher up Eva’s thighs and her hair had fallen out of the braid it had been in. Eva’s hands had moved to the back of Vilde’s neck and was pulling Vilde impossibly close to herself.

They had to come up for air sometime though. Vilde opened her eyes to look at Eva. She was breathing hard but had a smile on her lips, hair falling in her face. Vilde wanted to tuck the strand behind Eva’s ear, but had no interest in moving her hands from Eva’s thighs. Her eyes were still closed, the light from the house making her eyelashes cast shadows down her cheeks. Vilde felt no shame in mapping every little detail in Eva’s face to try and remember it.

Eva lifted her forehead from Vilde’s where it had been and opened her eyes. They both had red cheeks and smiles on their lips.

Vilde all of a sudden realised she didn’t know what this meant. What had happened?

“Fuck.” Vilde exhaled slowly. “What are we supposed to do now?”

“Maybe just go home? I can tell the others that we’re leaving.” Eva stood up and let Vilde’s hands fall away from her thighs. “Just wait here.”

Vilde nodded and watched Eva push herself up on her legs and start to walk towards the house. It almost looked as if she walk walking away from her.

Panic raised in Vilde. “Eva!”

Eva stopped in her tracks and turned around. “Yeah?”

“We’re together now, right?”

Eva smiled the biggest smile Vilde had ever seen. “Yeah, we are.”

****  
**Saturday**  
00.24

When they got home to Eva they climbed through Eva’s open window. Vilde started to scold her when they were safe inside.

“What if a thief comes through here? You are basically inviting them in.”

“Oh my god Vilde, it got us inside didn’t it?” Eva went over to her closet, “Want to borrow anything to sleep in?”

“Still!” Vilde stepped up beside Eva, peeking into her closet. “Can I sleep in this?” She picked up the first thing she saw.

“Take whatever you want.” Eva flicked the lights off before jumping down on her bed.

While Vilde took off her dress and slipped the big shirt over her head, Eva had crawled under the duvet.

“Come here,” She said. Vilde couldn’t see her that well in the darkness, only a hand reaching for her that she took. Eva dragged her down and under the duvet. She didn’t let go of Vilde’s hand after, instead clasping it tighter.

She felt drunk but she knew she wasn’t, not anymore, not on alcohol anyway. Eva’s hand in hers was making her drunk. Lying on Eva’s bed, in Eva’s bedroom, holding hands made her drunk. This time it was real. Holding Eva’s hand right now was just between them. They were holding hands for themselves, not for anyone else to see.

“Can I hold you?” Eva asked into the darkness.

“Yes,” whispered Vilde back, it felt like the room was too dark and too big to speak any louder.

Eva let go of Vilde’s hand and pushed on her shoulder so they were laying back to chest. She circled her arms around Vilde, one arm over her hips and one under her head, like a pillow. Vilde exhaled, she felt safe here with Eva’s arms around her. When protected like this by Eva, she knew she could do anything. The people talking behind her back didn’t matter anymore. Nothing but Eva’s breath on her neck mattered.

Vilde suddenly realised Eva was used to being held, how did this feel then? Being the one holding? She didn’t seem to mind though as she began dropping kisses on Vilde’s shoulder and on the side of her neck.

“Should we sleep now?” Eva was yawning.

Vilde nodded and closed her eyes.

****  
08.12

Vilde was up, used to waking up early for a morning run. She wasn’t up out of the bed, but she was awake, still lying on her side next to Eva.

“Eva? Eeeeva? Evaaaa? Wake up,” Vilde whispered in Eva’s ear. Eva tiredly turned around so she was facing Vilde.

“What time is it?” she mumbled, it was a miracle Vilde heard what she said.

Vilde smiled, them lying there together in Eva’s bed, under the same duvet, was just unimaginable. Maybe she was dreaming.

“Like 8 o’clock,” Vilde let out a small laughed when Eva groaned loudly.

“That is just torture Vilde, wake me up in like three hours again,” Eva turned her back on Vilde, her naked shoulders right in Vilde’s eyesight. She wasn’t complaining about that view.

“Or I could help you stay awake,” Vilde went back to whispering. She began trailing her fingers up Eva’s naked back. “I could figure out something to keep you from falling back to sleep.”

Her fingers stopped at the base of Eva’s neck, flicking the hair away. She started to pet her baby hair on her neck, they were so cute she couldn’t not. Eva started to giggle.

“Stop it, it tickles,” Vilde pulled back her hand but left it hovering over Eva’s shoulder. She wanted to keep touching her so bad. She had never wanted to be this close to another person before, it was driving her mad.

She pulled her hand back all the way under the duvet, clasping her hands together, and dropped a kiss on to Eva’s skin. Eva rolled onto her back and tipped her head to the side, looking at Vilde.

“What do you have in mind? How are you going to keep me awake?” Eva asked, she sounded curious and had a small smile playing on her lips.

“Close your eyes and I might show you,” Vilde was still lying on her side, looking into Eva’s eyes. Eva turned and faced the ceiling before she fluttered her eyes closed.

Vilde sat up. “Don’t laugh at me if I do anything wrong, okay?” She was nervous, intimacy on this level was something completely new to her, she didn’t really know what to do. With William it had been more like, penis in vagina for five minutes and then that was that.

“I don’t know where to start.”

“I won’t laugh at you, promise.” Eva talked clear, maybe to make sure Vilde understood. “And start with the duvet, it’s in the way.” While Vilde wore an oversized t-shirt, Eva was was naked except a pair of small pyjama shorts.

Vilde exhaled a small puff of air when the duvet slipped from Eva’s body. How had she ever believed she could be attracted to boys when girls looked like this. When Eva looked like this.

Eva body gave a small shiver when the air hit her, but she didn’t seem to mind. “You can touch me if you like.”

Vilde tried not to feel stressed out, she knew Eva was fine with her taking her own time. She knew Eva would be completely fine if Vilde didn’t even want to do it. So she took a big breath and slowly reached out put her hand on Eva’s tummy, covering her navel. Eva’s skin was soft and warm. Vilde couldn’t take her eyes off her hand on Eva. Like out of its own accord Vilde’s hand began to move, touching Eva’s hip, dragging over her ribs, walking her fingertips up and down between her boobs.

Vilde finally took her eyes off her hand and Eva’s body to look at her face. Eva was staring back at her.

“I told you not to look!” Vilde glared and lightly slapped Eva’s stomach.

Eva’s eyes crinkled when she laughed. “But you look so cute.”

Vilde tucked her hair behind her ears, suddenly shy for some reason.

“We can do this later, yeah? We can make pancakes for breakfast first, and then come back down here and lay in this bed again. Sounds good?” Eva sat up and pecked Vilde on the lips before jumping out of bed.

Vilde nodded, they didn’t need to stress. Just chill, eat some pancakes and then come back down and have amazing sex.

“You have the best ideas, Eva, how come you always have the best ideas?”

**Author's Note:**

> @sanameskini on tumblr. Give me prompts if u wanna :):):)


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